Ranking stupid insurance mascots

Watching most any Football game or sporting event on TV, you soon realize that the Insurance industry spends a damn bunch of money on advertising. One Sunday afternoon a few weeks back, I tried tracking every insurance ad during an NFL game.

I fell asleep.

But there were tons, I swear! Almost every commercial break features one or more companies trying to convince you that their product was superior.

And they all have a mascot. Or spokesperson. Or corporate jester. I don’t know what the proper term is...

It really is bizarre, why do these financial institutions all feel the need to slap a costume on someone or create a talking fish or something? We’re talking about risk management financial instruments here…not toys or diapers or whatever. Shouldn’t this be serious stuff?

It turns out, there is some advertising logic behind this trend, other than lazy herd mentality. Insurance is dry, boring. It’s highly commoditized and highly regulated. One insurance policy is mostly the same as another. The average consumer would rather go to the dentist than think hard about competing insurance institutions.

So to tackle this - advertisers throw mascots at you. They create characters and humorous ads, trying to break through the fog of your brain. In theory, a mascot makes things more relatable, more engaging. If nothing else, when it comes to sign the dotted line, you might think, “Ah…Flo from Progressive, she seems nice.”

When you think about it, quite a dumb way to commit to several hundred dollars a month leaving your wallet.

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So, to answer a question you never asked, I will now present the definitive classification system of insurance mascots, ranking each according to my highly scientific and business savvy criteria.

Because why not?

Level 1: Meh

I can’t document this, but I think the insurance mascot trend really got started with Flo from Progressive, or maybe the Geico Caveman. In any case, this batch of mostly above average concepts generally do the job, but bring nothing that special to the discourse. Jake from State Farm has emerged as modest pop-culture figure, although State Farm has edged away from the more edgy initial versions with “I’m wearing khakis.”

The Flo thing has morphed obscenely into a whole posse of sidekicks, trainees, and mascots-in-waiting that feels stale and ready for a mercy killing. Let it go already, Progressive.

I really don’t get the Geico Gecko. Why a lizard? Why does he have a British accent? It feels like this whole campaign was someone playing Don Draper in the pitch room and everyone loved the play on words - “Geico! Gecko! They are almost the same!!!” It’s sad to think of all the money spent on this salamander.

Geico is also one of the insurance companies that thinks one mascot campaign is not enough and often floats numerous spokespeople and ads at the same time. (Progressive being the other). It’s a sort of ‘flood the zone approach.’

And of course there is the classic Caveman campaign. It was a genuine moment - and even briefly spun into an actual TV show. But the business strategy was too convoluted for real success….”So easy a caveman can do it.” That’s your whole value proposition? It’s easy? A series of Cavemen campaigns ensured, aiming more to market the concept of the put-upon Neanderthal rather than home/life/auto security.

Moderately entertaining. But a business fail.

Level 2: Dumb

Who doesn’t love the actor J.K. Simmons? He could be a great messenger for your brand, but the ‘Professor Burke’ campaign of him teaching others how the insurance industry works is completely forgettable. And then there’s the “We are Farmers” jingle, which further makes you want to purge memory of this financial institution from your brain.

I condemn and deplore the Aflac Duck. Annoying. Non-sensical. Illogical. And Aflac doubles-down on this abomination by pairing it with such business luminaries as Deion Sanders and Nick Saban? Talk about an unholy trinity of risk management.

Recently Nationwide has brought on Peyton Manning - the equivalent of a sentient jar of Mayonnaise - to shill policies. I don’t know who proposed to the advertising geniuses that Peyton Manning was charming, interesting, or funny - but they were wrong. Peyton exists in the advertising landscape solely because he is non-threatening, safe. A blank slate you can easily forget. Which is sort of the opposite of the strategy here, right Nationwide?

These mascots don’t even rise to the occasion of being somewhat clever or amusing. And as business strategies, they are advertising malpractice.

Level 3: Dumber

Look, Sam Elliot is cool, a badass. But does he really strike you as the kind of guy who worries about insurance? He’s too busy schmoozing the dude or brawling in a bar. He’s not friggin’ calculating deductibles. Huge misfire here. But then, USAA makes it worse by pairing him with Ron Gronkowski, who probably is a decent human being, but let’s be honest - does not project an aura of business acumen or financial sensibility. This patchwork pairing misses the mark in so many directions its hard to quantify.

But my person demon in this genre, the campaign I loathe more than any other is the Limu Emu. Liberty Mutual has gotten railroaded by some advertising firm over this monstrosity of a marketing strategy. The characters - I guess some kind of buddy cop dynamic? - are wholly forgettable and mostly repulsive. They are unfunny, devoid of wit, and make no sense. I mean, for the love of all that is holy, an EMU! Why? Just because it rhymes with LiMu? (I the pitch was “Geico has a Gecko, we need something like that - what rhymes with our brand?”)

Liberty! You have a decent mascot in your own corporate logo - the Statue of Liberty! Use that, don’t import an Australian dinosaur and pair with an out-of-work actor.

Demotions and firings all around!

Level 4: Acceptable

At last, we come to an actual mascot that works both as business strategy and as entertainment. The Mayhem guy from Allstate. This campaign rises above the fray and delivers across multiple planes.

I mean, the commercials are laugh out loud funny. Don’t believe me? Watch this video:

The actor nails a specific character, the concepts are intuitive, and the execution tops any of the other competitors.

But most important, the very concept of the mascot reinforces the core value-proposition of insurance. It’s protection from disaster. It helps you recover financially and move on from any number of outlandish scenarios. It’s safety from the unexpected. This advertising quickly ties all that together and convinces you - entertainingly - that our brand has got you covered.

Even more amazingly, they weave in the concept that by maybe paying more, you’re better off. They continually discount those “cut-rate insurance'“ companies, and perhaps lay the groundwork for a higher profit margin. When paired with Allstate’s long-term tagline of “You’re in good hands with Allstate” - the messaging resonates like a fine-tuned chorus.

Kudos to Allstate. Mayhem is the mascot to rule them all.

(Ok, to be fair, in the video above - from time stamp 4:16 to 6:30, you can see they tried to evolve the Mayhem concept to something more benign. I blame focus groups. Ignore those examples - bad marketing. Thankfully, they get back on track after that…)

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Disclaimer:

All content and opinions are solely those of the author (Jack), and not representative of my employer, former employers, anyone in Congress, my family, former college roommates, Baptists, the good citizens of Colorado, or my dog Mabel.