Stupid phrases

I consider myself somewhat of a wordsmith. Personally and professionally, I rely quite a bit on crafting prose, putting words to meaning, the turn of a phrase. This newsletter is an obvious reflection of that.

So I tend to notice interesting writing and collect examples of quotes, narratives, witticisms, and clever descriptive constructions.

Unfortunately, it means I am also highly attuned to crap writing, word choices that muddle and confuse rather than illuminate. And man, is there a lot of it out there. Politics and business are the primary culprits, but you can find shitty euphemisms everywhere you look. Some are terms that society has adopted for whatever reason. Others are deliberately misleading, crafted with the goal of inoculating the audience from alarm or the truth.

So I present to you now a buffet of bullshit, examples of bad writing and ridiculous communication. These are phrases and colloquialisms I have encountered through the years that annoy the crap out of me, and in some cases are not just irritating, but dangerous. Enjoy…

“debt service”

• No, you aren’t ‘serving’ your debt, you are paying it. You are a slave to it. It’s an unfortunate obligation and damper on your economic well being. ‘Service’ implies some sort of voluntarism, like you’re helping out at the food shelter or coaching a kids soccer team. It’s a business transaction, pure and simple. Let’s not put gloss on this banality.

“consensus forecast”

• Financial media loves this one…and boy does it get overused. It sounds like a group of men gathered in a smokey room to deliberate, and emerge with the TRUTH as they see it. In reality, there might be some sort of technical survey, and the average is published and called ‘consensus’. But it’s not, it’s a mood ring. A mashup of opinions that might gravitate toward something meaningful, however unlikely. In reality, it’s just lazy journalist using the phrase to summarize a couple of conversations or anecdotes.

“thought leadership”

• You may be a leader. And you can be thoughtful. But if you toss this term around a lot you’re probably neither. ‘Thought leadership’ too often just translates to public relations, marketing, or being an opinionated blowhard. And who gets to decide if your thoughts are any good? Are you a leader just because you say something? Or are you a leader because you have actual insight? Who can say? And the phrase ‘thought leadership’ doesn’t discriminate between genius and dribble.

“convenience fee”

• Please. You’re charging me to use a credit card because you are getting charged. It’s a cost-recovery fee. My convenience has nothing to do with it.

“content creator”

• Please be more specific. Are you an artist? A writer? A filmmaker? A poet? Are you talented or a hack? What is this mysterious ‘content’ you seem to think I need? I could point a video camera at a slug, post it to YouTube, and ‘boom’ I am a ‘content creator’. The term quickly dispenses with all nuance and concern for quality - and boils ANY kind of creative endeavor into just filling airtime.

“water landing”

• Look, I don’t really have to tell you that if your 737 is in the ocean or a lake or a river, you CRASHED. You didn’t land.

“marketplace of ideas”

• A particularly nasty phrase that forces a Capitalist morality on any type of creative endeavor. Like your creative output has to compete with others in some sort of free-market Thunderdome. Or that your innovation can only have value if it passes through a series of buyers an sellers. Business-school baloney.

“open design concept”

• The reason the entire home construction industry is pushing this canard is that walls cost money. If you remove all the walls from your dining room, living room, and kitchen…the homebuilder gains profit, all while selling you a lie. It may be ‘open’, but there is no ‘design’ here.

“Marvel Cinematic Universe”

• Just kill me, now.

“climate change”

• This one really is insidious. The lobbyists and backroom fossil fuel power brokers foisted this term into common usage rather than the much more sharp ‘global warming’. It’s obscures and blunts the truth, making a global catastrophe sound somewhat benign and innocuous. “Ah, it’s just some change. A little something new. It can’t be that bad!?!” Wrong. It’s not menopause, it’s not the gentle shifting of the seasons. It’s unnatural, systemic, and existential.

“artificial intelligence”

• This one actually had some real meaning back when it resided in the realm of science fiction, denoting robotic consciousness and deep questions of the soul. But as glommed onto today by Silicon Valley, 'artificial intelligence’ is neither. Large Language Models and the like are simply a leap forward in algorithms, a souped-up regression analysis that requires ridiculous resources and raw material (‘content’) to function. It’s cut and paste on steroids.

“influencer”

• No, please. Stop. Your Instagram account and YouTube videos really don’t change anyone’s long-term behavior. Sure, you may get a few clicks, or trigger a purchase or two. But stop with the high-minded terminology. You’re a show model, a booth babe, a spokesperson. Nothing more.

Ok, this got a little more fiery than I anticipated. I’ll step off my soap box now…

Farewell photo

A little slice of life, until next time…

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Disclaimer:

All content and opinions are solely those of the author (Jack), and not representative of my employer, former employers, clients, anyone in Congress, my family, former college roommates, Baptists, the good citizens of Colorado, or my dog Mabel.