Wind is the worst

In the spirit of what has now become a series of “Old man complains about…” posts, I have recently discussed the evolutionary black hole that is dentistry and expressed my loathing and disdain for a fountain soda machine.

Obviously, I am speaking truth to power. I am tackling the important and relevant political, economic, and cultural themes of our times. I am breaking new intellectual ground and sparking much-needed debate.

To continue in that vein, I shall now complain about the weather.

Specifically….wind.

Of all the manifestations of climate, all the scenarios and conditions in which you may find yourself, wind is my least favorite.

I’m not talking about a cool breeze on a summer day, or a light kiss of fresh air at the beach. No, I am talking about sustained, aggressive airflows over 15 mph and higher. Call it what you want - gusts, gales, typhoons, tornadoes, squalls, tempests, or breezes.

I get it, I know wind is a necessary mechanism to equalize air temperatures and pressures, one of the planet’s circulatory systems. But damn if I don’t curse and complain when the wind kicks up.

If wind were a person, you’d call it an asshole.

Wind musses up your hair. It knocks things out of your hands, pushes you around, and causes your car to drift into inappropriate lanes. Wind flips over trash cans and scatters debris. Wind is loud. It dries you out, irritates your skin. It distorts sporting events.

There is no defense against it. You can’t ‘dress for the wind.’ You just have to lean into it, grit your teeth, button your jacket, and soldier on.

I can tolerate most weather conditions. Cold is fine, rain can be dealt with. Heat is a bitch but for the most part manageable. Humidity sucks, but is a known quantity. But wind promotes insanity - it’s unpredictable, suffocating, and cutting.

As it turns out, I live in a windy place. Due to a geographic oddity, my hometown of Fort Collins lies just south of a gap in the Rocky Mountains - where the winds funnel through southern Wyoming. Spilling over and around the prairie, Fort Collins gets sideswiped by excessive wind on and off throughout the year, and apparently is the windiest town in Colorado. 

And we have at least two different types of wind to deal with - first is your normal passage of thermal exchange as weather systems cross over the state from West to East. But second, we have something called a Chinook wind where the mountains themselves create a localized weather fiasco, pushing irritated air downhill and across the flatlands to where I live.

Great.

What’s worse, we can all expect more wind in the future. Global warming - if nothing else - creates greater temperature imbalances and puts more energy in the atmosphere. This will lead to more gusts, storms, and sustained airflow.

l have personal reason to complain. I was almost killed by wind. I am particularly attuned to general peace and quiet. I crave my time outdoors and loathe the prospect of giving up my patio time because of an annoying breeze. I simply like things orderly and free of drama.

But here we are…holding our hat on our head, leaning into the maelstrom, and shouting above the fray because mother nature is throwing a thermal fit.

Wind is chaos.

Begone foul airflow. I curse you and cast you away. Save your bluster for another time and place…

Perhaps Florida. They’re mostly assholes down there and would recognize a colleague.

Plugs & Promotions

Stuff I enjoy, so obviously you will too….

So as to not be totally negative, I’d like to share a couple of other newsletters that I have found to be thought provoking and quite smart.

First is “Kyla’s Newsletter”, written by Kyla Scanlon. It’s wide-ranging and original. If you like learning about economics, politics, and societal change, I recommend trying it out. Recent posts I really enjoyed were The Four Phases of Institutional Collapse in the Age of AI and Economic Lessons from the Screwtape Letters.  

Second is The Garden of Forking Paths by Brian Klaas. I am a paid subscriber, eagerly anticipate each of his posts, and have yet to be disappointed. His book Fluke is a must read treatise on how we under-appreciate the role of chance in our lives. And his newsletter astonishes with the diversity of topics he tackles. For example, recent posts I loved include How many politicians are psychopaths, Against Optimization, and The Age of the Surefire Mediocre.

So put down that silly social media syringe, exercise your brain, and try one of these other newsletters out.

Of course, reserve time for the Cognitive Dissonance Dispatch. That is your first priority!

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Disclaimer:

All content and opinions are solely those of the author (Jack), and not representative of my employer, former employers, anyone in Congress, my family, former college roommates, Baptists, the good citizens of Colorado, or my dog Mabel.